Hold the Relish

This is a short story dedicated to my hot dog-loving brother, who discussed hot dog condiments, brands, and style choices with me today -- all the way from California.

Once upon a time, I went to Mustard's Last Stand, a hot dog place near Northwestern University's stadium in Evanston. The man in front of me said this when he placed his order:

I would like one hot dog with double chili, double onions, lots of that cheese sauce, mustard, ketchup, and triple mayonnaise. To go. Can you wrap it up tight?

I have a lot of questions about this order, some of which are:

Is there really that much surface area on a hot dog?
Is this really still called 'eating a hot dog'?
Perhaps this man would like to eat his hot dog condiments from a bowl, with the hot dog as the topping?

I invite you to think of your own questions for this hot dog orderer. I also would like to cunningly invite you to apply triple mayonnaise to your dog. If you can fit it all on there, you win!

Don't forget to wrap it up tight for the road!