Butcher, Baker, Frustration Maker

This onion came from the supermarket a really, really long time ago.

Oh, dear reader, I've missed you!
You see, I've been a bit under the weather with this awful little cold, so I haven't been putting myself to very good use. And the sad thing is, we have both suffered terribly as a result. It's a shame. But don't you worry. I'm going to perk you up by...complaining!

Yesterday, I ventured to the grocery store for the first time in ages. I was coughing my head off. I was sniffly. I was listless in the low-energy way and in the food-words-on-a-piece-of-paper way. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. But we all know what happens when you want to make a quick jaunt of it -- the opposite happens. And fourteen hours later, you're still in the grocery store, being run over by crazy people as you stare blankly at the wall of eggs, praying for someone to just make a decision for you.

Not to worry, though! Somehow, I made it out alive. With groceries! With my soul still intact! I did, however, manage to compile a very useful document while I was a shopping. And, yes, of course I will share it with you!

Grocery Store Pet Peeves (in the form of requests):

1. Guy by the oranges, do NOT stand so close to me. I was here first! Do not touch my body with your body while I am picking out oranges.

2. Woman at the potatoes, do not try to pick up the same potato that I reach for.

3. Woman at the bananas, do not give your one year old a bunch of bananas, watch him throw them on the ground, then put the bananas back on the display shelf.

4. Guy in the bakery, do not pick up every single loaf of french bread by the exposed part, squeezing each one fiercely with your entire fist and then choose none of them.

5. Kid in the condiment aisle, don't you have a parent?

6. Woman working here giving out samples, why is your table blocking the entire aisle?

7. People eating the samples, have you never eaten before? Why are your carts blocking the aisle?

8. Guy behind me in line, why do you roll your eyes at me when I put the plastic divider between our groceries? I'm trying to be nice.

9. Guy packing my bags, why don't you understand the way my bags work? They are just bags. Why do you say things disgustingly like, this bag is full when it's really only halfway full? And that plastic part that sits in the bottom of each bag in order to support it? Why do you take it out and hand it to me like it's garbage?

10. Woman in front of me on the way out of the store, why do you stop your cart right in front of the door, take out your groceries, and leave the cart blocking the whole doorway?

10. People in their cars in the parking lot, why do you hover three inches away from me waiting for me to unload my groceries and pull out?

The frightening part is that I could go on and on! I'll save us all, though, and stop here. And if you have some supermarket pet peeves, too, I encourage you to share them -- with me, with your friends, perhaps even with that weird guy who's pushing his cart into your rear end while you're trying to slide your debit card through the pay box.

The more market woes, the merrier!