Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Accident


Sometimes, you know, you're really tired at breakfast time, and you've just made toast in a hazy blur, and you've put the peanut butter on your toast, and you're pretty excited because you're actually eating breakfast, which you've heard is a very smart thing to do, and you know just what will make your peanut butter perfect, so you open your spice cabinet to find the cinnamon-sugar, and you go for the container that is the exact same shape as the cinnamon-sugar container, and the exact same size as the cinnamon-sugar container, but it's not the cinnamon-sugar.

It's cayenne pepper. Which you discover after it has landed on the peanut butter. You try to be hopeful. You think, maybe this is the best new discovery ever, and it'll taste so good and I'll end up eating it every single day and I'll mourn the days before I knew about cayenne and peanut butter toast. It could be like peanut sauce! It's like Thai-style toast! It's epic! Revolutionary! The best snack in the universe! You'll be a toast-flavors billionaire!

But as it turns out, it's not so good. It makes your toast taste awful and strange. It does, in fact, taste like hell, which makes you sadly slide it from your plate into the trash and then you feel really guilty, and you stare at it, and it reclines there morbidly in the garbage can, sending you an evil glare. You feel like you want some normal toast. You feel like you want someone to make it for you, for crying out loud. This is exhausting, this whole breakfast thing. It's no wonder you don't usually eat breakfast. And, well, mainly you just feel like a bit of a moron.

Oh, you love mornings! Really! You do!

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