Throwback

June, thanks for visiting. It was nice having you.
July, welcome aboard!

July, I know that you put forth a lot of effort to make delicious things for us to eat. Corn is coming, and watermelons and tomatoes, and a million other terrific things. In fact, you have a very important holiday coming up, and I am proud of you for hosting it all these years. July, I love your offerings, and I love my Midwestern roots, but if you could please close your eyes and do some loud humming while I sing the praises of something decidedly un-Midwestern and non-American in origin, that'd be appreciated.

I've been sick this week with a nasty virus that seems to mimic strep throat, and I just have this complete aversion to water when I'm sick. Regularly, I swoon for water, but when I'm ailing, I'd rather drink lighter fluid. So it's been other liquids -- and lots of them, just like mama said -- juice, iced tea, hot tea, a grape vitamin water here and there. And, the newest kid in town is this incredible thing, coconut water. Granted, coconut water has been around for ages, though it seems to have recently gained popularity as a "hip" alternative to normal water and other fashionable drinks like açaí and pomegranate juices. In my defense, however, I did not discover this beverage when I was reading Glamour magazine, or even US Weekly for that matter. I discovered it all on my own, and therefore I now feel like the coconut water inventor.

Coconut water is sometimes called coconut juice, and sometimes it comes with pulp (in this case, little shards of coconut) or with lime juice added. I usually buy the kind in the can, but I've also seen it in boxes (like the kind rice milk and soy milk come in). It's clear, and it's absolutely nothing like cream of coconut or coconut milk -- except, of course, that it tastes like coconut. Obviously. It's refreshing and entirely delicious, and nutritious to boot! And quite versatile. I would be lying if I said I had never attempted to mix coconut water with vodka (this house of mine is the the vodka-mixing capital of the world, in fact). If one is to mix vodka with coconut water, mint, and a little simple syrup, one will immediately enter heaven! Listen for the clanging of angel wings and the fluttering of golden gates, because it's really outstanding.

The thing that most intrigues me about coconut water is the fact that I approach it with the sort of sheer delight that is usually reserved for a prison inmate's release into the light of the real world, or a child's first popsicle. You know, the whole where've you been all my life sort of feeling. There's a brief history of me and the coconut. We go way back. We haven't always been this close. Listen.

Yes, listen: dolls do all the suffering. When I was four, we tumbled into the yellow, wood-paneled station wagon, on our way to Family Vacation. Several hours into the (very long) trip, I ate a coconut candy bar. I promptly threw up all over the yellow-yarned head of my Cabbage Patch Kid doll, Patrice Yvette. While my parents were probably thinking, damn it, these car mats are ruined, they lovingly expressed nothing but sympathy for me and my ruined doll. I was devastated and embarrassed and so, so worried that Patrice was eternally and irrevocably damaged.

We later decided I must be allergic to coconut, which turned out to be a myth that I believed well into adulthood. Nevermind the fact that everything made me puke when I was little, especially car trips. I am, in fact, still a total backseat wimp (not a myth) who can't travel in the backseat for more than a minute without throwing up. But coconut -- coconut is not a problem. In fact, I love it with all my heart, and I have no side effects, except for, you know, drooling and pure joy. Coconut makes many appearances around here. Oh, and Patrice cleaned up just fine. To this day, she is very proud to display her battle wound, a stained patch on her yellow yarn hair.

So as it turns out, I'm part of the coconut fan club now, and I may be part of the coconut water trend, but that's okay. I mean, who could resist? All the models are into it! It has electrolytes! It's a healthy alternative to ALL other liquids! It's as pure as the tropical winds! And I guarantee that when I'm done with being sick, I'll likely take the practical and stylish approach by mixing it with (very healthy) vodka once again. I mean, if that's not a nutritious alternative, I don't know what is. Granted, too many of these cocktails may cause you to throw up on your doll's head, but don't
worry -- it doesn't mean your allergic.