Introducing:

Let the freshness begin!

I have just received in the mail my brand new juicer, which is also often known by its more robotic name, Juice Extractor. I'm pretty sure that I've wanted a juicer all my life, so I'm not sure why I just got around to it. Oh, wait, I know! They're messy, hard to clean, too gigantic to store anywhere, and grossly expensive. That's why. So, you may ask, what came over me? 

Well, I've done a great deal of research and I found a very reasonably priced machine that isn't too huge and, honestly, not as big of a pain as I thought it might be. After using this item 1 (um, that's one) time, I highly recommend it! I think I just had juice for dinner, in fact. It's a miracle. I have just consumed three carrots, one pear, two apples, one beet, and a hunk of ginger in less time than it takes to peel one of those carrots. I also feel like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, what with that list and all. But, most importantly, I feel as though I have saved myself a great deal of time. Not to mention the extreme health sensation inside my body! AND I just saved my teeth some major grinding work!

As I began my foray into the juice universe, I discovered some important tips in my owner's manual, and I would like to now share them with you.

1. Do not insert fingers or other objects into feed chute!
2. Turn off motor before disassembling.
3. Keep jewelry and hair, as well as spatulas, away from feed chute during use.
4. Not for use by children or dogs.

Okay, so I made up the dogs part, but it IS a true story that yesterday I was reading a description of an adoptable dog that said, "This dog is best suited for a home that does not contain squirrels, children, or cats." I swear. 

Now then. I followed all the nice directions and proceeded to make my juice. Down the tube! Whirr! Bizz! Bang! Vroom! Juice!

I intentionally did not use any of the recipes that were provided in the owner's manual, mainly because I had just spent sixty dollars at the produce market and wanted to use some very particular things that I had gathered. But, let me tell you, there are some very useful recipes in that booklet!

My top ten favorite recipe names, in order of coolness:

1. Mr. Bone's (Yes, there's an apostrophe. It's his juice. Duh.)
2. Teacher's Pet (This means apple juice. Obviously.)
3. Healthy Men (Yes. Plural.)
4. Healthy Women (For ALL the women!)
5. The Fiber Press (I predict that ALL of these juices will be a fiber press.)
6. For Your Eyes Only (You guessed it. Carrots.)
7. Passion Potion (Drinking juice is, after all, mainly about getting some action in the bedroom.)
8. Liquid Fire (Contains jalapeños and tomatoes.)
9. X Zone (Featuring alfalfa sprouts, and not to be confused with...
10. Y Zone...which features worcestershire sauce and onions.)

I would like to mention that the #1 juice, "Mr. Bone's" is conveniently translated by my booklet into French (Monsieur Os) and Spanish (Del Señor Bone). 

Something else I found very useful, once I made my juice and was left with a large amount of dry, cloggy, fruit skin-bits, was: The remaining pulp left after juicing is fiber and cellulose, which, like the juice, can be used in many ways. There are many recipes that use pulp. You can also use pulp to thicken casseroles or soups. Thanks for those great ideas, owner's manual. I am going to rush right out and buy the Cooking With Pulp Cookbook, which I'm sure exists. And I will certainly be using all those tasty, bits of fruit rind in all my cooking this week. Perfect. I'm actually pretty sure that Cream of Roughage Soup is the first course at Alinea these days.

Okay, so I think you get the idea. It should be pretty clear by now that my juicer is the best thing that has happened to anyone, ever. 

Fortunately, Matthew has called from work to announce that he has fallen ill, and thus it is with great honor and vitamin professionalism that I will now concoct Juice Number Two. We're never going to eat solid food again!*




*That's not true.