Squash It All Flat

Zucchini season won't be here for awhile, but I like to start planning early. You know, zucchini strategy. Very important. In fact, it's during times like this that we need to squirrel away recipes and ideas so when that nervewracking zucchini explosion comes this summer, we'll be prepared. (Speaking of squirrels, I have recently learned a marvelous animal fact, which is this: squirrels, as we know, bury lots of nuts, and dig up lots of nuts. BUT, listen here! They don't dig up their OWN nuts. All the squirrels frantically bury their little nuts all over the place, and then, when it's time to dig them up, they don't have the memory to recall where their own nuts are, so they scratch around until they find other squirrels' buried nuts. Crazy, right? Oh, you squirrels. Honestly!)

I love this zucchini recipe because it's seriously delicious, really simple, astoundingly healthy, and it makes zucchini shrink, so you can plow through even more of that bumper crop this summer. The chips aren't really "chips" as we know them -- they are sort of crisp, but they are more like fried zucchini without the frying or the grease. And, really, who can deal with deep-fried vegetables, anyway? What is the point? It's sort of like gluing sharp rocks all over a pillow and then throwing it at someone's head. There's something innocent inside, but the fact is, it's still going to hurt. A lot. And, honestly, if I am going to go through the emotional guilt and physical aftermath of eating something fried, I'm going to go all the way. It's gotta be something painfully artery-wrenching in there, like cheese, or at least cheese inside a jalapeño pepper. A real, actual vegetable (like zucchini) inside that fried shell just makes you feel even more guilty! It taunts you! You thought vegetables were always healthy, but no! Ha ha! Not when we're wearing a crispy, crunchy cape of grease! Sucker!

Anyway, you get the idea. (And, no, I had no idea I felt so passionately about this whole topic until right now.) Quelle surprise.

Your-Arteries-Will-Love-You Zucchini Chips
sort of adapted from both Cooking Light magazine and a mystery newspaper clipping
makes enough for two as a substantial side dish, or four smaller side servings

2 medium or 4 small zucchini, sliced at an angle in 1/4" slices
2 T milk (you can use skim or 1% or 2% or whole)
1/4 C good quality (preferably homemade) seasoned breadcrumbs*
1/4 C fresh grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 t garlic powder
1/4 t seasoned salt (or regular salt plus a few dashes of dried herbs)
1/4 t ground black pepper
1/8 t red pepper flakes

*The fine breadcrumbs are important. As you will see from my picture, I only had coarse breadcrumbs and was feeling to lazy to whiz them up in the food processor again. When they are more fine, more breadcrumbs will stick to the zucchini, and the chips will be a much better consistency. And you'll be a happier camper.

Preheat oven to 425 F.

Combine dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Pour milk into a shallow bowl. Dip zucchini slices in milk and dredge in breadcrumb mixture. Place coated slices on a ovenproof wire rack coated with cooking spray and place rack on a cookie sheet. You can also put them on a vented pizza pan or a pizza stone -- you just want to make sure that they are able to receive heat on both sides. Bake for 30 minutes or until brown and crisp. Serve immediately with marinara sauce for dipping. They will definitely lose their oomph very quickly as they lose their heat, and they just aren't as delicious when they are cold and limp. (Honestly, is anything delicious when it's cold and limp?)