Bread and Circuses

Recognize this? Of course you do! You are such a devout reader, after all, so it stands to reason that, upon seeing this image on a flashcard, you'd be more than likely to shout out, "BREAD DOUGH!!" In which case, you'd be right. If you really do play with flashcards in your free time, I commend you on being quite dedicated to your own personal growth. Great work. Weird, but great work!

So, you'll see here the results of another round of bakery effort. This is Perfect White Bread (or so I called it on my recipe card). I ran out of all-purpose flour last night, and had to swing by the grocery store today (which, in a city such as this, means I had to spend many, many painful hours pushing my way through throngs of people who, from the looks on their faces, are actually aliens who have just been deposited by a spaceship and have no idea what a grocery store is or what they are supposed to do there). I got the flour, though, and -gasp!- I also saw...bread flour! That's right. Bread flour. Long lost bread flour. Remember once upon a time when I was hunting and hunting for bread flour so as to make sausage rolls that weren't the consistency of cinder blocks? And it was nowhere to be found? Well, they've decided to ship it to Chicago again. Ridiculously enough, I didn't actually buy the bread flour -- oh, no. That would have been too easy. Somewhere in my mind I was thinking that A.) flour was really heavy and two bags of it would be, um, SO much heavier than one that I couldn't possibly bear to carry it around and B.) it would just be so easy to 'swing by' the store next time I needed it. Right. Brilliant. I really need to become one of those people who special-orders flour from those fancy flour places that Jeffrey Steingarten likes to talk about. But, honestly, where am I supposed to store a 100 lb. bag of flour? In my special flour locker that is built into my sugar silo? Honestly. I think I will stick to suffering at the grocery store.

Moving right along then. Perfect White Bread. Basic, basic, tried and true. If you are like my father, and you consider anything other than white bread true sacrilege, then this is the bread for you. If you, like him, like to compare "other breads" to tree bark, roots, or other leathery pieces of the natural world, then you will like this bread. It's like the white bread you remember, but it's just a little more grown up. It's like Butternut bread and Wonder bread had a baby and sent her to reform school.

Perfect White Bread
recipe origin quite unknown
dedicated this time to Dad, my white bread king

1 pkg yeast
1/4 C warm water
2 C milk, scalded (this means put it in a real pan, not the microwave, and heat til almost boiling)
2 T sugar
2 t salt
1 T butter, melted
6 C sifted AP flour (give or take)

Soften yeast in warm water. Combine hot milk, sugar, salt, and butter in a non-reactive bowl. Cool to lukewarm (this is about long enough to watch one episode of pre-recorded Ellen, with fast-forwarding through commercials). Stir in 2 C of flour and beat well with a wooden spoon. Add the softened yeast mixture. Add enough of remaining flour to make (yes, again) a moderately stiff dough. Turn out onto a floured surface, and knead until smooth and satiny (aim for 8-10 minutes), adding little amounts of leftover flour as you go. Shape into a ball. Place in lightly greased bowl (ceramic or glass) turning once to grease surface of the dough. Cover. Let rise in a warm place until doubled (about 60-80 minutes). Punch down.
Cut dough in two. Shape each into a smooth ball; cover and let rest 10 minutes.
Shape into loaves; place in two greased loaf pans. Cover and let rise until double (45-60 minutes).
Bake in 400 F oven for about 17-20 minutes, but keep an eye on it. If the tops start to get too dark, tent with foil. When the loaves sound hollow when thumped and feel lightweight in their pans, it's time! Cool for a few minutes in the pans, then turn out onto a wire rack. You did it!
Eat it up! You can put one in the freezer and pretend like you're going to eat that first loaf gradually, but chances are good that you'll pull that freezer loaf out within the next 24 hours. I'm just saying...this could happen. I want you to be prepared.