Alligator Interview

Interview with Andrew, age 3:

Q: What does an alligator eat?

A: Food. Rawr! Snap!

Q: What kind of food?

A: Oh! Pizza, yogurt, hot dogs, grass, bananas, cheese, books.

A Few Minor Adjustments

This is what happens when I leave my grocery list out on the counter.

Relax, It's Only Velvet

An experiment. Does red food coloring really stain one's skin? Answer: yes.

The cupcakes, poised and ready to stain your insides!

I couldn't bring myself to use an entire bottle of red. 

But, really, it doesn't make it taste red. Right?!

So then! Here we are. It's good to see you.

This entry is my 200th post, and it's very lovingly dedicated to an incredible redheaded human, Diane, who once proved her interest in skunks by posing for a photograph while holding one. I like skunks, too, but I do not like things that stink, like having not having her around. We will remember you always, Diane. (She would have liked these cupcakes! You will, too.)

Red Velvet Cupcakes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Cupcakes:

2 1/2 C flour

1/2 c cocoa powder (sweetened or unsweetened -- I haven't found much of a difference, honestly!)

1 t baking soda

1/2 t salt

1 C butter, softened

2 C sugar

4 eggs, at room temperature, if possible

1 C sour cream

1/2 C milk

2 t vanilla

1/2 to 1 oz. red food coloring

Mix dry ingredients in medium bowl. Beat butter and sugar in a really large bowl until fluffy -- about 5 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating with a hand- or stand-mixer. Add sour cream, milk, red food coloring, and vanilla. Gradually add dry ingredients to wet. Mix just until moistened. Fill paper liner cups  2/3 full (no more!) Bake 18 minutes or until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in muffin tins for 5 minutes or so, then remove cupcakes to cooling rack and cool completely. Combine icing ingredients and frost cupcakes. Makes 34.

Icing:

8 oz. cream cheese, softened

1/4 C butter, softened

2 T sour cream

2 t vanilla

16 oz. powdered sugar

Let It Be Told

I've been thinking about you for years now. Twelve years, to be exact.

Twelve years ago, I realized that fortune cookies were the absolute coolest thing to make, and I hunted down dozens of recipes for them. I copied down my favorite one onto a green index card and tucked it into my "right-now" pile of recipes. That is, I have a recipe box, and I have recipe binders, and recipe books, and I have recipes in every room of the house, but my right-now pile is a stack that I keep in the kitchen, between the sink and the oven, held up by a cigar box, on the left side of of the enamelware pan, which is on top of the silver breadbox that holds the coffee. These are the recipes that I want to make soon -- the things I am really excited about creating, the things that sound really incredible, or really interesting, the things I plan on making within the week, or within the month. As I prepare them, the recipes go back into the box, or back into the binder, or, sometimes, directly into the rubbish bin. This one, though? The fortune cookie recipe? It's been in the right-now pile for twelve years.

O, fortune cookies! You pestering beast!

So, finally, I did it. On New Year's Eve. What a perfect treat for my New Year's Day guests! What a delightful way to ring in the new year! What a hoot! That is, it would have been a treat, and a delight, and a hoot if they had actually worked out. Let me tell you this now: they're kind of a pain in the ass (if you couldn't guess). As directed by the recipe, I started folding them in that exact same second that I pulled them out of the oven, and, in doing so, I was painfully reminded of the time I tried to make candy canes, twisting that horrible molten sugar as quickly as possible while it was still pliable. The whole time, I cursed my scorched fingers and shouted out to anyone who would listen, What kind of idiot tries to make FORTUNE COOKIES?


I learned many things that day, such as:

This fortune cookie recipe I have sucks.

Unless it was my fault. Which is entirely possible.

The batter is really runny. As in, imagine trying to spoon tablespoonfuls of milk onto a cookie sheet.

You have to use a Silpat, and even then, the cookies stick to it.

You will ruin your Silpat trying to get the cookies off of it.

You will get angry.

The recipe did not make "2 dozen" cookies. It made ten. Ten!

When you fold them, they crack. A lot.

You should go inside the oven, fold them while you are in there with them, and then remove them.

Do not try to make these cookies when anyone is watching. You will embarrass yourself.

There is a reason that fortune cookies are sold in stores.

Despite the pain and anger, they taste really amazing and making the fortunes is really, really fun.

Basically, I need to try this whole thing again. With a different recipe. With a new technique. And, perhaps, I should wait another twelve years.

I'll keep you posted.

(O! And I would like to take a moment to acknowledge today, January 13, is the day that this lil' ol' blog turns TWO. I should bake it a cake! Happy anniversary, little blog!)

Knock Knock

The one thing I know about you is that you are really missing summer right about now. Even if you are one of those precious people who adorably announces that you LOVE winter, you are still missing summer right now. It's just a fact. Summer means fresh things, and delicious things, and real smells. I mean, have you stopped to actually sniff winter lately? No? Well, give it a try. I'll wait.

Okay, so what we've learned here today is that winter smells like, uh, nothing. Okay, okay, so it smells like cold, and dryness, and sadness, and sometimes like soup, but mainly it smells like...nothing. No fragrant trees or flowers! No coconutty sunscreen! No warm wind! No chlorine! No briny ocean, no earthy lake! And certainly no fruit scents. Definitely no fruit scents.

Alright, friends. I want you to sit down for this. I have news.

Are you sitting?

Yes?

Okay. Here's what I have to tell you:

There's a cure! 

Really.

Really!

Ready? It's the easiest thing in the world.

Dried Strawberries

Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Quarter or halve strawberries. Toss gently with a few pinches of sugar and a little sprinkle of salt. Arrange in a single layer on cookie sheet and place in the oven. Sit back, relax, and maybe even put on your swimming costume! Soon, you will start to smell the summery magic. Bake (well, actually you're just drying them) in the oven for 4 hours. Remove when they seem dried but still a little fleshy. Leave out on the counter on the cookie sheet overnight or all day. When they feel dried to your liking, pack them in a plastic or glass container. Eat out of hand, or toss in a salad -- use them like raisins or craisins. And the best part? You will get to enjoy the smell for DAYS. Not only does it smell like glorious summer the entire time they're in the oven, but your house will KEEP smelling like this for many more days. It's a winter miracle, folks! It's a really perfect little wintery miracle.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Summertime!

No Big Deal

No big deal! Nothin' to see here, folks! It's only ALL THE GOLDFISH IN THE WORLD.

Finally, 2012!

Make a wish! It's the new year!

(Stay tuned for the full scoop on the origin of this tiny, tiny wishbone 

and, accordingly, the recipe for the very best thing I cooked in 2011.)